Tag Archives: relationships

Great new NLP resources for Trainers. Reduce your preparation time!

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I have a resource for you that I highly recommend.

 

This information is for people who are corporate trainers or NLP trainers.

Would you like some new group exercises

or additions to the ones you’ve already got?

 

As you know, it can take hours and hours to find (or create)

the right exercises to fit your group and your program,

but it doesn’t have to any more!   

 

If you have some familiarity with NLP, here are

practical step-by-step exercises with instructions (with all the handouts etc.).

No more having to wade through loads of theory

to find the right activities.  

  

My friend, the talented NLP Trainer Andy Smith, has designed

The Trainer’s Pack of NLP Exercises specifically to

save you days or weeks of preparation time.

 

And for a limited time you get it for 25% off; an exclusive discount

just for my subscribers! (I asked him and he said yes!)

 

This special price is good until February 21st! Don’t miss out.

Want to see if you like it?  

Click here to download 3 group activities for free:

 

Want to get it right now? Click here 

Enter Coupon Code  

shelle

in the shopping cart to get it for 25% off.

You may already know Andy’s work. He is the acclaimed author of

Practical NLP: How to use NLP principles

to improve your life and work, even if you’re not NLP trained.

 

Andy says:

“My aim in writing this exercise pack was to make it the best resource out there for trainers. Pretty much everything I have learned in years of running NLP courses is in there. It’s the resource that I wish had been available when I was a newly-qualified NLP trainer years ago!”

 

I’m not the only one who really appreciates Andy’s work:

 

“At last! – an outstanding, comprehensive and tremendously practical collection of dynamic NLP exercises skilfully brought together that you can adapt to use in trainings, coaching, therapy or NLP practise groups. 

Andy has generously included an invaluable in-depth introduction that includes design of content delivery, how to frame exercises, choosing and briefing assistants and terms and conditions for your course.

He efficiently sets out each exercise with the timing, objective, procedure, what to expect, points to look out for, check and clarify and even FAQs where appropriate, thus ensuring you feel briefed, prepared and confident in your usage.

Andy has produced a resource of fantastic value, that no NLP professional (beginner or experienced) can afford to be without, which includes not only exercises but handouts and wall charts too!”

Balbir Chagger, NLP Trainer, Coach and Speaker 

www.balbirchagger.com 

 

“I’m pleased to wholeheartedly recommend this book to NLP Trainers, NLP Master Practitioners, AND well-trained NLP Practitioners alike. As one of the trainers Andy graciously referenced in this book as one of his sources for some of the exercises quoted in the book, I was profoundly impressed with this collection of valuable resources, organized beautifully and usefully. The book is written at a high enough level that even newly certified trainers will be able to make immediate use of the exercises for the groups they work with.

My opinion: New NLP Students ought to know that exercises from a book like this alone will never lead to becoming a great practitioner, so I don’t think this book is a good substitute for live training. Without the kind of knowledgeable mentorship that expands a students’ resources in optimal ways, exercises by themselves are aimless (and many are described at trainer level, with practitioner-candidate-level relevant knowledge omitted). But once you’ve become a Practitioner with 10 days or more of training behind you, get a copy of this book, and you’ll be able to continue developing your NLP skills powerfully!

This book is a phenomenal resource for skilled trainers who know what signs and patterns to look for in audiences, student behavior, awareness, filters, beliefs, limiting beliefs, learning patterns and strategies, and more. I’m confident it will expand any trainer’s repertoire of learning experiences. Every trainer should acquire a copy!

Jonathan Altfeld (Mastery InSight Institute of NLP)

www.altfeld.com

  

“Absolutely fabulous, packed full of enough detail to run the exercises with little preparation. Thanks for a great product.”

– Jenni Miller

 

“This is a must have if you are running NLP courses – and it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been doing it. Andy has long had a reputation for providing top notch training, and this book is a wonderful and generous extension of his standards. It’s not only a resource, it’s a companion, packed as it is with his advice and commentary. This must have been a huge undertaking, and many will thank him for it for many years to come. I’m definitely one of them.”

 

Trevor Silvester, NLP and Hypnosis trainer

Author of ‘Wordweaving’ and ‘Lovebirds’ 

 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you. This is so what I was looking for as I am teaching my first NLP Practitioner Course next month.  

I asked for it and there it was so much appreciated. 

Also love the way you present it.” 

Regards Maz, NSW Australia

 

Maz Schirmer, NLP Trainer

 

“Andy’s excellent ‘The Trainers Book of NLP Exercises’ is a very rich gold mine of exercises for both the NLP Trainer as well as NLP Practitioners and those of us who run NLP practice groups. The wealth of experiential exercises and structured, yet ‘pick and mix’ learning format is a absolute must have. Buy yourself a copy right now, you will be very very pleased!”

Nigel Hetherington – Master Clinical Hypnotherapist and NLP Trainer

 

“A fantastic book full of doable exercises. I can’t wait to start using them. The world of NLP owes Andy a huge gift of gratitude.”

– Peter Hirst

 

“Bought and used. Saved massive amounts of time and got a better result than I could have done under my own steam. Excellent product.”

Rintu Basu, NLP Trainer and author of ‘The Persuasion Skills Blackbook: Practical NLP Language Patterns for Getting The Response You Want

 

Here’s Andy’s description:

What’s in the Trainer’s Pack:

 

A printable e-book – 411 pages, 128 exercises,

plus handouts and wall charts.


PLUS

Word versions of the handouts and wall charts so

you can tailor or rebrand them for your courses!

  This resource kit could save you days or weeks of preparation!     

 

Exercise instructions with:

  • Objectives
  • Timings
  • Procedure
  • Suggested clear-up questions
  • Handout pages (where needed) that you can copy or modify
  • Wallcharts (where needed) that you can copy or modify

Clear exercise formats for:

  • developing NLP skills such as rapport and sensory acuity,
  • practising techniques such as anchoring and sub-modality shifts
  • learning language patterns and hypnotic skills
  • formats for problem solving and exploration, such as the “Disney Strategy”, “Neuro-Logical Levels” and the S.C.O.R.E. model
  • clarifying values and setting goals
  • sharpening questioning skills
  • strategy elicitation and modelling
  • increasing emotional awareness and social intelligence

The Trainer’s Pack of NLP Exercises also includes a

Microsoft Word document version of the handouts

so you can modify them, and searchable keywords so

you can quickly find activities for workshops on any topic

such as listening skills, self-esteem or assertiveness.

 

I suggest you check it out to see if this resource is right for you.

Click here for more information. 

 

Andy tells me that the exclusive 25% discount, with the   

Coupon Code:  shelle 

applies to any product in the ‘Tools For Trainers’

section of his store.  But only until Feb. 21st!

  

You can download three activities

from the Trainer’s Pack of NLP Exercises for free.

Check them out for yourself: Click here 

Or want to get it right now? Click here 

Enter Coupon Code  

shelle

in the shopping cart to get it for 25% off. Until Feb 21st.

 

If you are a trainer, I really think you will appreciate

the quality of Andy’s work.

 

Cheers,

Shelle

PS: I am recommending it because I think it is a great resource for trainers.

 

Achieve Goals Using Your Own Success Strategies – Shelle’s Top Tips

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Let’s talk about ourselves for just a minute. A lot of people tell me they have tons of stuff that they want to do but they’re not able to get as much done as they would like and I’m not talking about time management issues. It’s about your strategy for achieving and your strategy to avoid dropping things that you really want to do.   Here’s a few tips.

  1. Your Success and Failure Strategies
    Write, jot down a quick list of the things that you’ve actually achieved over the last few months and the things you started to do or wanted to do but didn’t get done.  At a big picture level, can you see any success strategies from the things that you wrote down or any failure strategies that stop you from achieving that?
  1. Level of Importance
    If you have a look at your two lists and you’re able to identify what’s important and what isn’t important to you, do you see any patterns? Are your success strategies the ones you succeeded at more important to you and the other one is less important to you?

  2. Negative Consequences
    Here’s something that I found in my studying of what makes people successful in their goals and how do they avoid falling off the wagon. Well often people who are focused have deadlines and there are negative consequences for not achieving what you wanted to do at the time that you wanted to do it.  So have a check for the things that you succeeded at. Was there a negative consequence or something that you didn’t want to have happen? 

    I remember when I was writing the first draft of my very first book. I gave myself until September to finish the first draft.  The beginning of September arrived and guess what? I had a whole pile of courses and training and consulting lined up. The negative consequence would have been I wouldn’t have been able to get back at that book for months and that was something I really wanted to avoid.  So if you’ve got a negative consequence that you really want to avoid, that’s going to help you be more focused to be more motivated.

So my question to you is do you have lots of things that you’d like to be more successful at doing? Would you like to avoid having to put them off or just live with the fact that you didn’t do them?

Check out my mini E-Book. It’s called Wishing, Wanting and Achieving.

If you go to http://www.WishingWantingAchieving.com you will get this very short E-Book that will tell you how to model your own success in more detail so that you can find out exactly all your own success strategies. It also comes with a free MP3 download that you can listen to that’s going to help you focus and achieve more success and avoid having to live with the things that you didn’t do.  Hope this helps.

To enquire about booking me for a speaking engagement, please click here.

Get Someone to do What you Want – Shelle’s Top Tips


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A lot of people tell me that getting others to do what you want them to do can be very difficult at times.

So here’s three tips on how to get someone to do what you want.

1)     Find Out What’s Important to Them
Most of us know what’s important to us but we don’t take the time to find out what’s important to the other person. Ask a few questions first about what is important to them, or think about it from their perspective.

2)     Link What You Want to What’s Important to Them
Usually, we just talk about what we want and we don’t link it to anything that the other person might like. What is the link? How can you make a case?

3)     Speak in a Way that is Motivating for Them
For example, if that person is very goal-focused or goal-oriented then you need to tell them what the benefit is (Toward Language).

If they tend to be more problem-focused and the kind of person who notices what is wrong and easily criticizes, tell them what problem will be prevented or solved; what they can move away from.

You can guess if they are in a Toward mode and need a benefit or a goal, or if they are more Away From and prefer to  hear about consequences or negative consequences that they can avoid by doing the thing that you want.

Click here to learn more about influencing and persuasion.

Two more hints about speaking in a way that motivates the other person.
Do they want to have lots of choices and lots of options?  We call that Options Language. Or would they rather have a step-by-step procedure for doing something and talk about how to do something?  We call that Procedures Language.

Think about these 3 easy steps the next time you need to get someone to do what you want.

If you want more tips to solve problems (Away From Alert!) and get what you want (Toward Alert!), visit http://www.ShellesTopTips.com and check out my books and audio programs for yourself at http://www.theshellestore.com

Dealing with Upset Customers

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It’s really important to know how to calm down your customer quickly, get to the root of their problem, solve it, and nourish the relationship for next time.

If you’ve had a chance to look at my book, The Customer is Bothering Me, you’ll get this all laid out for you, but there’s four key steps.

1)     Treat the Emotion First
Most people cannot do these two things at the same time; they can’t be upset and be logical. If you’ve got a customer that’s upset and you try immediately to solve their problem, they probably won’t co-operate because they’re busy being upset and they need you to understand that. So treat the emotion first.

The key is to meet your customer where he or she is. My strategy may seem a little silly because most people are taught to stay calm. But if you think about it, when you are upset about something and the person you are speaking to stays calm, and doesn’t acknowledge either verbally or in their tone of voice that you are upset, it can feel like they are not really hearing you.

Instead, I suggest that when your customer becomes upset about something and they raise their tone that you raise your tone to almost the same level, but you say something helpful and we call that getting upset on behalf of your customer.

This is not the same as yelling at your customer. Step number one is to get upset on behalf of your customer, show them that you are surprised and upset with them. If you don’t sound like you’re surprised when they are upset, your customer may believe that this problem is normal, you don’t care, this happens all the time and your whole company doesn’t care about what happens. Remember, everything you do determines what your customer believes about your whole company. So for step one, treat the emotion first.

Click here to find out more about how to match your customer’s tone, and what kinds of things you can say that will be helpful.

2)    Clarify What the Customer Actually Wants and Take Action

Whether or not you agree that it’s a problem, if the customer thinks it is a problem, we need to sort out what it is they need.  You can suggest two options here that will solve their problem. In my book, The Customer is Bothering Me, there is more information on exactly the wording to use with upset customers.

It is important to make a suggestion at this point, as if you ask the customer “How would you like me to fix this?”, they may become angry again since they will be expecting you to be the expert and to know what to do to fix the issue. So step two, clarify what the customer wants and take action.

3)    Make Amends

Many people don’t think about this, but if your customer is upset, to him or her it is as if they have been hurt. So our third step is to make it up to them. It is not enough simply to say, “Well I’m sorry”. Remember when you were a child and your parents told you to say you’re sorry, your siblings knew you weren’t really sorry. Your upset customers know you are not really sorry either. So what can you do to make amends? Does your company have a policy so that the person actually dealing with the upset customers can make amends right on the stop without having to ask for permission?  So step three, make amends.

4)     Nourish the Relationship for the Future
Make sure that you communicate to your customer so that whenever they contact your company again for any reason, that you have set them up for a positive experience. You can do that by saying, “Listen, any one of my colleagues will help you find what you want and if there are ever any issues, we’ll do whatever it takes do to solve it.  We are your personal fix-it people”.  Make sure they can see a picture in their mind’s eye of how it will be next time, (such as “fix-it people”) That’s how to nourish the relationship for next time.

If you want more information on strategies for dealing with customers and creating a great customer experience, check out my book, The Customer is Bothering Me, available as an EBook or available in paperback form.

Hope you enjoyed this. Let me know if you got any great ideas from Shelle’s Top Tips.

Shelle

Click here for more of my blog posts
http://www.theshelleblog.com

Click here for my articles
http://www.shellesarticles.com

Click here to see me in action
http://www.shelleinaction.com
Contact Us:
+1-905-639-6468
melody@wordsthatchangeminds.com

Bullying: Bystanders No More

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In Canada over the last few weeks, we have heard the tragic story of a teenager who committed suicide, after being sexually assaulted and then bullied online for over a year. This isn’t the only story about people suffering at the hands of others while bystanders do nothing, or worse encourage the bullying.

Bystanders are being blamed for not intervening and yet, hardly anywhere in all the literature does it tell bystanders exactly what to do. How many times has each one of us witnessed someone behaving inappropriately and not intervened?

And I just can’t stand it any more! I created this video because I believe there is one thing you can do to stop bullying right when it happens.

If you find the information useful, please share it on your Facebook page or wherever you think people need to see it.

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Cheers,

Shelle

+1-905-639-6468

http://www.labprofileonline.com
http://www.wordsthatchangeminds.com
http://www.theshelleblog.com
http://www.shellestoptips.com
http://www.shellesevents.com
http://www.shelleinaction.com
http://www.shellesarticles.com
http://www.theshellestore.com

 

Whining and Intercultural Connection Theory

Here’s an article that may help you with intercultural communication, or maybe not. You be the judge.

And I’d just like to thank the hundreds of people who signed up for my LAB Profile® Online Program. Thanks so much!!

Here’s the article:

Whining and Intercultural Connection Theory

By Shelle Rose Charvet

The weather has been unusually bad lately. Too much snow. Too much rain. Not enough rain. Too dry. And the price of gas keeps going up on weekends. And don’t get me started on the Canadian dollar! When it goes above the US dollar, I lose a bundle in the exchange.

Doesn’t this sound Canadian, eh? To the outside ear, this may sound like whining, but what do they know? This is how Canadians connect! And connecting is important, right?

In Berlin, I greeted the general manager of the hotel where I was working. “Guten Morgen Herr Ronald. Wie geht es Ihnen?” He smiled, looked uncomfortable, mumbled something and left.

My local meeting planner Annemarie said, “Shelle, did you really want to know how he is?” “Of course not,” I replied, “it’s just that in Canada we need to exchange at least two sentences.” “Well in Germany we only need one,” she explained.

Okay then! One sentence. I can do that. No problem. But what was I going to do about the traditional German need to be perfect? “I must be perfect at all times and so must the speaker.” How do I get rid of the Perfect Directive and connect to my audience? Through an interpreter? Without losing my credibility? In only one sentence?

I gathered up my courage. Briefed my interpreters. Walked to the front of the room, smiled warmly and proceeded to screw up my attempt to use a traditional German greeting. My interpreter, standing beside me, fumbled her translation back into English, right on cue. We paused, looked at each other, both shrugged a “so who cares” kind of Gallic Shrug[1] and continued.

With one sentence, we had lowered the expectations from perfect to human, made people laugh, and didn’t entirely destroy my credibility. Yeah, but something was missing. I still hadn’t quite connected to my group yet.

“Isn’t it amazing how bad the weather has been this summer, even for northern Europe, especially when the summer doesn’t last very long?” I commented to my group. Now everyone was nodding their heads in agreement.

That’s it I thought! And I gave birth to The Connection Theory on the spot:[2]

1. Each culture has a topic of conversation, to be discussed in a particular number of sentences or duration in time for the precise purpose of connecting rather that communicating specific information. To connect one needs to match the topic and required duration of conversation.

2. Each culture has a precise “order of business” in their places of work wherein a specific number of minutes is taken for greeting, working, informal chit chat, breaks), etc., in a particular order. This order of business ensures that a personal connection will take place.

But you know the problem with theories. They don’t always work in practice. So what do you do when in doubt? Whine about the weather of course. The Canadian Connection Strategy may just be the Universal Connector. There is only one way to find out, n’est-ce pas?

Bon voyage. Gute Reise. Safe travels.

Shelle

 

 



[1] I first learned the Gallic Shrug while living and working in France. It is a one-shoulder shrug which is meant to communicate: “What the heck. Who cares?” It is not to be confused with the two-shoulder Jewish Shrug which generally signals “So who knows and why are you asking me anyway?” I now teach various shrugs as high stakes negotiation techniques.

[2] I gave birth to the Connection Theory metaphorically only. If you were thinking that I actually gave birth, on the spot, in front of the audience, then perhaps you are reading this article a bit too literally.

Moments Matter

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In an instant, you can change your mind. You change the impression you had of someone, or you decide something is not a good idea after all. Politics is full of these moments.

General David Petraeus had to resign after being caught in an extra-marital affair. In a moment, questions arose about his military judgment. If he were so unwise as to have an affair, and leave an easily detected electronic trail, what other mistakes could he have made? In a moment, beliefs about his worthiness shifted.

Supporters of Barack Obama watched helplessly during the first debate of the 2012 election as he showed a decidedly un-presidential demeanor and lost credibility for the undecided voters. Romney also had his moment that evening, as he appeared “presidential” (whatever that means) for the first time during the campaign. In a moment, the performance of both changed the direction of movement of the campaign. Suddenly it appeared possible that Romney might actually win.

In France, in the first six months of François Hollande’s presidency saw his popularity dramatically drop to a 36% approval rating. As I watched his grueling official press conference at the end of the first six months, lasting over two and a half hours, François Hollande had his moment. “I can understand the doubts that have been expressed. The only valid question in my eyes is not the state of public opinion today but the state of France in five years’ time.” He successfully reframed the issues of the day: Today is not what counts. Popularity doesn’t matter — results over the long term are what matters.

Moments matter in communication.

Everything you say and do affects the emotional state of other people.

Everything you say and do determines what they believe about you and your whole organization.

The above examples illustrate these “Power Principles”.

But let’s think about everyday communication — what moments have you had that created a positive or negative impression? Was that your intention? How can you avoid the missteps that leave a trail of damaged or broken relationships?

How to Succeed Your Key Moments

Here are some tips on mastering the “moment”:

  1. Take a look at what you are doing. If your actions were known, how would they affect your credibility? Would people still trust you? Would they still respect you? Would they still like you?
  2. Assess risks: Sometimes you have to do or say things that risk upsetting others or making you unpopular. Ask yourself, who will benefit from this? How can I say or do this in a respectful way? I recently emailed some colleagues about what I felt was a lack of content in their presentation — I risked hurting their feelings, but I felt the opportunity to improve would be lost if I didn’t say what I felt. And I thought they could do a better job on their upcoming book if they got some input. I will see how they respond.
  3. Take feedback seriously. The worst mistakes are often made by people who believe they are better, more important or more knowledgeable than others. If we dismiss what others tell us, then we lose the opportunity to continuously improve. People who are highly Internal or Macho (Please see my article the Macho Test) often refuse to consider any opinion different from their own. I hate being criticized, but I know that once I lick my wounds and get over my hurt feelings, there is usually something really useful that I need to incorporate.
  4. Be what you aspire to be. Social scientist Amy Cuddy revealed the link between body language and your own beliefs about yourself. Want to be more confident? Sit or walk confidently for 2 minutes. That’s all it takes.
  5. Adopt helpful beliefs. I like to believe that even if they don’t look like it, most people want to have fun. Is it true? I don’t care.

 Moments matter. 

Just a reminder about our LAB Profile Consultant/Trainer Certification Program coming up August 12 – 23, 2013 in Belgium. We are offering a $600 discount for the first 11 registrants! Hope you will be there.

Cheers,

Shelle

If you are interested in booking me (Shelle Rose Charvet) for a presentation, keynote or workshop contact me at shelle@wordsthatchangeminds.com. Please visit my speaking page too.

http://www.labprofilecertification.com
http://www.shellestoptips.com
http://www.shellerosecharvet.com
http://www.theshelleblog.com

What is the best advice you have ever received and how did you use it?

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My best advice was from my father who said: “There are only 2 things you cannot undo – once you have a baby, you have a baby and if you kill yourself, you are dead. On everything else you can change your mind, so carte blanche! Go forth and do what you need to do.”

His words have given me the courage to take risks – such as investing my time and money in new ventures such as libretta.com. And this has helped me change my mind when a new strategy was needed, such as when I had to get out of my marriage.

It would be great to share the best advice you have gotten. It will enrich all our lives. Just post it in a comment right here on my blog: www.theshelleblog.com or on my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/shelle.rose.charvet

Cheers,
Shelle

If you are interested in booking me (Shelle Rose Charvet) for a presentation, keynote or workshop contact me at shelle@wordsthatchangeminds.com. Please visit my speaking page too.

http://www.labprofilecertification.com
http://www.shellestoptips.com
http://www.shellerosecharvet.com
http://www.theshelleblog.com

“My mother always said “make your hobby your career”. As a kid I always had hobbies including all kinds of crafts. By the age of 13, I started collecting antiques and visiting historic house museums. Today, at age 54, I am Senior Curator of Dundurn National Historic Site and love every minute of my work. As well, every aspect of my life complements my work. There was never any doubt in my mind where I wanted to go in my career.”

Kenneth J. Heaman M.M. St.
Senior Curator,
Dundurn National Historic Site

How Visualization Can Create Bad Judgement and Alternatives to Self Delusion

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My coaching client Sophia had explored a business opportunity with a franchising organization and was very excited to tell me about it. It combined many of the activities that she found motivating; it would enable her to work from home, set her own schedule, work in a people job and use her communication skills.  It seemed great. She could see herself doing all those things and being happy.

Sofia contacted them to arrange attending their open house and was dismayed to find that there was no room left in the one next week and she would have to wait a month before  being able to attend the next one. Then two days later they phoned to say a space had opened up and she could go right away.  She also told me about another similar business opportunity but up to this point had yet to explore it in any great detail, because she was very motivated by the first one.

Here’s where I intervened. “Did you have an image of working in this business?” I asked. “How did it feel?”  “It was great!” she replied, “I could see the whole thing.”  “Did you have an image of the second business opportunity and how that might be?” I asked.  “Well no” she said, “but when a space in the open house for the first one opened up, I thought it was a sign this was the opportunity for me.”  “Perhaps it was a sign” I said “that they really want you to buy this business.”

One Image Can Create a Commitment

The purpose of visualization is to make something real, and it is a very effective technique.  When Sophia visualized the first business opportunity, she not only saw it in detail, she lived it.  She jumped into the image and had the experience of what she imagined it would be like.  When she had done this it was very difficult for her to consider any other opportunities.  She began to interpret events as signs that this was the right thing to do.

Having only one image, she became committed to it. I did the same thing a few years ago when I visited a house that I was considering buying. I could see my family living there; saw us hanging out in the living room, was able to walk around the kitchen knowing that I could cook there, the back yard was a great one to be sitting in, etc, etc. The same week I put in an offer on this house, interest rates went up two points, and I lost my contract with the local college. Buying this house was not to be.  But because I had already imagined us living there, I felt a deep depressing sense of disappointment, as if my dream home had just been taken away from me.  At the time I thought that was such a weird reaction to have since I’d never actually lived there.

That’s the problem with having a vivid imagination.  Having conjured up an image of living there made it feel like I actually had or that I was going to live there.  Having imagined what it would be like to work for this franchise made Sofia commit to the idea.
A friend of mine said that many women do essentially the same thing when they first meet a potential partner. They immediately visualize, sometimes in great detail, their whole future unfold with this person. No wonder this puts enormous pressure on the new person in their life!

Your brain, in need of closure will do it’s best to complete the image and then the handy-dandy process of self-justification jumps in to find reasons why this image is the right one*.

Bad Judgment

Once you have a clear image it is as if your brain has shut down and stops being open to other possibilities. For instance, imagine you are sitting in a chair in front of a large window, looking out at a large beautiful pine tree.  Look out the window towards the tree. There may be other trees around, but notice now how prominent the pine tree is in your image and how it takes some voluntary effort to bring the other trees into focus.

In and of itself this is not a problem, but when you have not clearly defined your decision-making criteria or considered alternatives, this ability to become focused on one sole image can lead to bad judgment simply because you took the first available option.
This means that you had no real choice.  Or, there was no opportunity to evaluate the choices against what is important to you and therefore make the best choice.  In this system, where you visualize and then choose the first option, you miss the opportunity to:

  • learn from your experience,
  • analyse risk, as well as
  • analysing potential opportunity

and you may end up making a bad decision.

Real Choice and Great Decision-Making

So what is the alternative?  Different people, of course, have different decision-making strategies.  Good decision-making strategies
however all have a few points in common.

They:

  • Define outcomes,
  • Identify criteria for knowing when an outcome is reached and
  • Present a minimum of three choices.

Three choices are better than two, because two choices tend to be the extremes of an either/or kind of relationship.  “Either I leave or he leaves.”  Not many options there. With three choices you have a real opportunity to see and experience alternatives against what is important to you without only considering the extremes.

Here is a decision-making process that keeps you real choice and will help you make great decisions:

  1. Define the outcome you would like to achieve.
  2. List your criteria for what is important to you about your decision.
  3. How will you know, what evidence will you use for each of the criteria?
  4. Imagine three choices.  One at a time, see each choice in your mind’s eye, holding your most important criteria in your heart. Step in and out of each choice, exploring them one at a time as if you were there.  What happens in each situation?  How do you feel each situation?  What are the future consequences of each choice, as you explore them through time?
  5. Step outside these three options.  Which of them most closely matches your criteria, your outcome and feels the best? Are there any downsides to this particular option that you need to take into account?

Example Outcome: I would like to have my own business.
Criteria: target annual income $100,000, with the take-home income of $50 – $75,000, by the end of three years.  Work in a consulting role with both individuals and teams of people, using proven methodologies for IT solutions in small business enterprise software work and maximum of 40 hours per week, based from home, with visits to local businesses.  Well-defined successful sales model with lead generation to be part of the business.
This is an example for someone who wants to start their own IT consulting business.  He or she could then try out 3 different models or opportunities.

Imagine walking along the road in the country, with beautiful scenery on either side and you come to a place where the road branches in three different directions.  At first, you are not certain which road to take and you realize it is because what you want is not yet clear.  You pause, reflect, and come to understand that the thing you want most is now clear in your mind.  You can see it , hear it, smell it, touch and taste it.  You look at the three paths in front of you and imagine taking each one, exploring where the path leads you, knowing what it is you truly want.  You come back and now you know which of the paths is for you.

One image is no choice; three or more helps you have great judgement.

***Let me know what you think – shelle@wordsthatchangeminds.com

* In Mistakes Were Made (but not by me) by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson (2007) Harcourt Books, the authors detail the exact process by which human beings reduce conflict (dissonance) and then justify whatever they think and do.

Have a look at other Shelle’s Top Tips http://www.ShellesTopTips.com

If you are interested in booking me (Shelle Rose Charvet) for a presentation, keynote or workshop contact me at shelle@successtrategies.com. Please visit my speaking page too.

Do you hate setting goals?

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You have probably read, heard, and seen lots of information about the benefits of setting goals. Maybe you have even created a vision board and achieved the things you visualized.

Most people don’t set goals — and for a very good reason! 

Most goal-setting processes don’t work.

Years ago when I started teaching the NLP Outcome Strategy in companies, people would come up to me, months or years later and whisper in my ear: “I tried that goal process. It didn’t work. I don’t know why.”

This got me to thinking! How many times have I set an intention, visualized it, wrote it down, worked toward it but never achieved it? For each year for about 15 years I set the goal of achieving a certain weight. Have you seen me lately :-)?

So what is the issue that plagues so many people? It is not usually a problem of knowledge or skill — if you only needed to find out how to do something to be successful, most people would accomplish what they wanted.

Did you know that over 40% of the population are not motivated by goals? Motivation is the problem!  

I am not even talking about whether a specific goal is motivating or not. If setting and working diligently to achieve specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, ecological goals makes you want to stick your finger down your throat, you are not alone.

A few years ago, I created a short audio program called Wishing, Wanting and Achieving to help people figure out their own success strategies.

Maybe you need something other than goals to help you succeed!   

Click here

 to listen to Wishing Wanting and Achieving!

 Please let me know what you think of this program, shelle@successtrategies.com 

 I wish you much happiness, health and success Shelle!

Cheers,
Shelle 

ps. Looking for a speaker for your event?  click here  .   

pps. Here are some useful links.
http://WordsThatChangeMinds.com
http://www.ShellesEvents.com
http://www.LABProfileCertification.com
www.ShellesTopTips.com
www.TheShelleStore.com