Tag Archives: decision-making

Overcommitting – Shelle’s Top Tips

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Today, our topic is overcommitting. What do you do once you have enthusiastically jumped in and said yes and then you realize you have no time?

The first things I’m going to look at are prevention strategies, and then some tips for how to cure it, how to get out of the commitment once you have made the commitment.

Prevention

Prevention is a question of calming down and breathing. Lots of people are going to come to you and say, “Hey, Shelle, we’ve got this great idea that we would like to get you involved in.” Instead of saying, “Really? Yes I’ll do it!” breathe. Ask questions:

“Tell me more.”

“What does it entail?”

Take some notes and make sure you thoroughly understand what the person is asking you to do.

Once you’ve had all your questions answered, I suggest you say,

“You know what? I’m going to check with my other commitments to see if I can fit that in. Let me get back to you,” and then let them know when you can get back to them.

Breathe, stay calm, ask questions, and promise that you will check it out with your other commitments. The other person will know that you are taking them seriously. You’re weighing whether or not you have time to do it properly and then promise to get back to them. This gives you the opportunity to see whether or not it will be an over commitment.

The Cure

You’ve said yes. What do you do? First, as soon as possible, you need to do something. Don’t wait. Don’t hide. Don’t chew your fingernails in anxiety. Do something as soon as possible, as soon as you realized you’ve overcommitted.

Secondly, what do you do? Apologize. Use the Bad News Formula. Check out my Shelle’s Top Tips on apologizing and the Bad News Formula for exact instructions on each of these.

Lastly, offer the other person something. You’ve let them down, maybe you can help them find a replacement for you or perhaps there is a part of the task that you can do that will help them out. Find something that you can do and remember to think about this before you speak to them. I suggest you do this on the phone or in person rather than by email. It will go over much better and keep your relationship in good form.

For more tips on how to get out of those sticky communication situations, check out my book, The Customer is Bothering Me. It’s also an e-book that you can download and it’s got lots of hints and tips for difficult communication situations.

To enquire about booking me for a speaking engagement, please click here.

Dealing with Temptation – Shelle’s Top Tips

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Oscar Wilde said, “The only thing to do with temptation is to yield to it”, but I believe there’s another option. So here you are, it’s holiday time, the table is laden with all of your favorite foods, some of which you may have even cooked yourself, (talking about myself here again).

You really want to dive in and all you can see is that lovely delicious stuff and you can practically taste it on your tongue before you’ve eaten it. How are you not going to just yield to it as Oscar Wilde said?

When you’re in the store, or you are behind at work and you know you need to be saving money but you really want those things right in front of you. What do you do if you’re on line doing the same thing?

Click here to watch the videoclip

Here are a couple of tips.

First, breathe deeply. Breathe deeply a couple of times because you end up giving in to temptation when you act on it really quickly. If you stand back and give yourself a couple of moments to think, that can be the secret to your success.

Second, after you’ve breathed, go away from the temptation. I go into the bathroom. I sit on the toilet. (that maybe too much information). But I remember while I’m sitting on the toilet what my real goal is here. Am I working towards becoming a better person? Am I trying to lose weight? Am I getting into shape? What do I really want? Get back in touch with what is really important.

If you haven’t ever talked to yourself about what’s really important, you might want to do that before you confront the holiday temptations.

The third suggestion for resisting temptation is to go have a glass of water and think about something else. The moment will pass and that’s really, really key.

Temptation only ever happens in the moment. So if you have a couple of tips for how to forget what’s going on in front of you and think about something else, timing off to reconnect with what’s important to you, that’s going to help you with all kinds of temptations whether it’s buying, eating, or anything else you can think of.

I hope these tips. Have a look at other Shelle’s Top Tips and enjoy the holidays.
http://www.ShellesTopTips.com

If you are interested in booking me (Shelle Rose Charvet) for a presentation, keynote or workshop contact me at shelle@wordsthatchangeminds.com. Please visit my speaking page too.

Saying No To Your Kids

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I know a couple of people, me included, who have difficulty saying no to their children.   

A friend of mine has a daughter who has managed to find ways of getting money from her parents for years. She is in her early 20s now, and still the bank of Ma and Pa is open. Recently, I said no to one of my children who requested something. I then found myself running to my friends and family for support, so I thought maybe it’s time we really think about this. 

Click here to watch the video clip

If you feel that you’ve been the bank of Ma and Pa (that means your bank has been open for them to make withdrawals) one tip I have is to add up how much money you’ve spent on your kids over the last few years. I think you’ll be shocked and I think they’ll be shocked.  

Here’s another tip. When your kids ask you for something usually they just ask you or sometimes they do the big setup where you’re sort of slowly leading to the unending conclusion that you need to lend them some money or give them some money. That’s what happened to me recently.  My suggestion is don’t answer right away. Instead say, “That’s interesting. Tell me more.” And then when they ask you for the money or they ask you for whatever it is they’re going to ask you for, tell them you’ll think about it and get back to them.

I know lots of parents who have to deal with children who are not making their own way. They made terrible financial decisions and then the parents are there to rescue them. I think it’s important to decide when to rescue and when not to rescue, what behaviors are you going to reward and not going to reward. So zoom out. Look at the big picture. How many times has your child stood on their feet, provided for their own needs and made good decisions? And how many times have they not done that and how have you rewarded them? It’s important to figure that out.

So if you find that you’ve been rewarding irresponsible behavior, now is the time to stop. Sit down, plan with your child how they can actually move forward, and tell them what your role is going to be and tell them what you’re not going to do.

But most important of all, when you get hit up for money, just say, “Let me think about it,” and then go and talk to somebody who you know will help you be logical about this.

Our children can certainly pull at our heartstrings and sometimes saying no will really help them grow up.

Cheers,

Shelle

+1-905-639-6468

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Moments Matter

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In an instant, you can change your mind. You change the impression you had of someone, or you decide something is not a good idea after all. Politics is full of these moments.

General David Petraeus had to resign after being caught in an extra-marital affair. In a moment, questions arose about his military judgment. If he were so unwise as to have an affair, and leave an easily detected electronic trail, what other mistakes could he have made? In a moment, beliefs about his worthiness shifted.

Supporters of Barack Obama watched helplessly during the first debate of the 2012 election as he showed a decidedly un-presidential demeanor and lost credibility for the undecided voters. Romney also had his moment that evening, as he appeared “presidential” (whatever that means) for the first time during the campaign. In a moment, the performance of both changed the direction of movement of the campaign. Suddenly it appeared possible that Romney might actually win.

In France, in the first six months of François Hollande’s presidency saw his popularity dramatically drop to a 36% approval rating. As I watched his grueling official press conference at the end of the first six months, lasting over two and a half hours, François Hollande had his moment. “I can understand the doubts that have been expressed. The only valid question in my eyes is not the state of public opinion today but the state of France in five years’ time.” He successfully reframed the issues of the day: Today is not what counts. Popularity doesn’t matter — results over the long term are what matters.

Moments matter in communication.

Everything you say and do affects the emotional state of other people.

Everything you say and do determines what they believe about you and your whole organization.

The above examples illustrate these “Power Principles”.

But let’s think about everyday communication — what moments have you had that created a positive or negative impression? Was that your intention? How can you avoid the missteps that leave a trail of damaged or broken relationships?

How to Succeed Your Key Moments

Here are some tips on mastering the “moment”:

  1. Take a look at what you are doing. If your actions were known, how would they affect your credibility? Would people still trust you? Would they still respect you? Would they still like you?
  2. Assess risks: Sometimes you have to do or say things that risk upsetting others or making you unpopular. Ask yourself, who will benefit from this? How can I say or do this in a respectful way? I recently emailed some colleagues about what I felt was a lack of content in their presentation — I risked hurting their feelings, but I felt the opportunity to improve would be lost if I didn’t say what I felt. And I thought they could do a better job on their upcoming book if they got some input. I will see how they respond.
  3. Take feedback seriously. The worst mistakes are often made by people who believe they are better, more important or more knowledgeable than others. If we dismiss what others tell us, then we lose the opportunity to continuously improve. People who are highly Internal or Macho (Please see my article the Macho Test) often refuse to consider any opinion different from their own. I hate being criticized, but I know that once I lick my wounds and get over my hurt feelings, there is usually something really useful that I need to incorporate.
  4. Be what you aspire to be. Social scientist Amy Cuddy revealed the link between body language and your own beliefs about yourself. Want to be more confident? Sit or walk confidently for 2 minutes. That’s all it takes.
  5. Adopt helpful beliefs. I like to believe that even if they don’t look like it, most people want to have fun. Is it true? I don’t care.

 Moments matter. 

Just a reminder about our LAB Profile Consultant/Trainer Certification Program coming up August 12 – 23, 2013 in Belgium. We are offering a $600 discount for the first 11 registrants! Hope you will be there.

Cheers,

Shelle

If you are interested in booking me (Shelle Rose Charvet) for a presentation, keynote or workshop contact me at shelle@wordsthatchangeminds.com. Please visit my speaking page too.

http://www.labprofilecertification.com
http://www.shellestoptips.com
http://www.shellerosecharvet.com
http://www.theshelleblog.com

What is the best advice you have ever received and how did you use it?

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My best advice was from my father who said: “There are only 2 things you cannot undo – once you have a baby, you have a baby and if you kill yourself, you are dead. On everything else you can change your mind, so carte blanche! Go forth and do what you need to do.”

His words have given me the courage to take risks – such as investing my time and money in new ventures such as libretta.com. And this has helped me change my mind when a new strategy was needed, such as when I had to get out of my marriage.

It would be great to share the best advice you have gotten. It will enrich all our lives. Just post it in a comment right here on my blog: www.theshelleblog.com or on my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/shelle.rose.charvet

Cheers,
Shelle

If you are interested in booking me (Shelle Rose Charvet) for a presentation, keynote or workshop contact me at shelle@wordsthatchangeminds.com. Please visit my speaking page too.

http://www.labprofilecertification.com
http://www.shellestoptips.com
http://www.shellerosecharvet.com
http://www.theshelleblog.com

“My mother always said “make your hobby your career”. As a kid I always had hobbies including all kinds of crafts. By the age of 13, I started collecting antiques and visiting historic house museums. Today, at age 54, I am Senior Curator of Dundurn National Historic Site and love every minute of my work. As well, every aspect of my life complements my work. There was never any doubt in my mind where I wanted to go in my career.”

Kenneth J. Heaman M.M. St.
Senior Curator,
Dundurn National Historic Site

How Visualization Can Create Bad Judgement and Alternatives to Self Delusion

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My coaching client Sophia had explored a business opportunity with a franchising organization and was very excited to tell me about it. It combined many of the activities that she found motivating; it would enable her to work from home, set her own schedule, work in a people job and use her communication skills.  It seemed great. She could see herself doing all those things and being happy.

Sofia contacted them to arrange attending their open house and was dismayed to find that there was no room left in the one next week and she would have to wait a month before  being able to attend the next one. Then two days later they phoned to say a space had opened up and she could go right away.  She also told me about another similar business opportunity but up to this point had yet to explore it in any great detail, because she was very motivated by the first one.

Here’s where I intervened. “Did you have an image of working in this business?” I asked. “How did it feel?”  “It was great!” she replied, “I could see the whole thing.”  “Did you have an image of the second business opportunity and how that might be?” I asked.  “Well no” she said, “but when a space in the open house for the first one opened up, I thought it was a sign this was the opportunity for me.”  “Perhaps it was a sign” I said “that they really want you to buy this business.”

One Image Can Create a Commitment

The purpose of visualization is to make something real, and it is a very effective technique.  When Sophia visualized the first business opportunity, she not only saw it in detail, she lived it.  She jumped into the image and had the experience of what she imagined it would be like.  When she had done this it was very difficult for her to consider any other opportunities.  She began to interpret events as signs that this was the right thing to do.

Having only one image, she became committed to it. I did the same thing a few years ago when I visited a house that I was considering buying. I could see my family living there; saw us hanging out in the living room, was able to walk around the kitchen knowing that I could cook there, the back yard was a great one to be sitting in, etc, etc. The same week I put in an offer on this house, interest rates went up two points, and I lost my contract with the local college. Buying this house was not to be.  But because I had already imagined us living there, I felt a deep depressing sense of disappointment, as if my dream home had just been taken away from me.  At the time I thought that was such a weird reaction to have since I’d never actually lived there.

That’s the problem with having a vivid imagination.  Having conjured up an image of living there made it feel like I actually had or that I was going to live there.  Having imagined what it would be like to work for this franchise made Sofia commit to the idea.
A friend of mine said that many women do essentially the same thing when they first meet a potential partner. They immediately visualize, sometimes in great detail, their whole future unfold with this person. No wonder this puts enormous pressure on the new person in their life!

Your brain, in need of closure will do it’s best to complete the image and then the handy-dandy process of self-justification jumps in to find reasons why this image is the right one*.

Bad Judgment

Once you have a clear image it is as if your brain has shut down and stops being open to other possibilities. For instance, imagine you are sitting in a chair in front of a large window, looking out at a large beautiful pine tree.  Look out the window towards the tree. There may be other trees around, but notice now how prominent the pine tree is in your image and how it takes some voluntary effort to bring the other trees into focus.

In and of itself this is not a problem, but when you have not clearly defined your decision-making criteria or considered alternatives, this ability to become focused on one sole image can lead to bad judgment simply because you took the first available option.
This means that you had no real choice.  Or, there was no opportunity to evaluate the choices against what is important to you and therefore make the best choice.  In this system, where you visualize and then choose the first option, you miss the opportunity to:

  • learn from your experience,
  • analyse risk, as well as
  • analysing potential opportunity

and you may end up making a bad decision.

Real Choice and Great Decision-Making

So what is the alternative?  Different people, of course, have different decision-making strategies.  Good decision-making strategies
however all have a few points in common.

They:

  • Define outcomes,
  • Identify criteria for knowing when an outcome is reached and
  • Present a minimum of three choices.

Three choices are better than two, because two choices tend to be the extremes of an either/or kind of relationship.  “Either I leave or he leaves.”  Not many options there. With three choices you have a real opportunity to see and experience alternatives against what is important to you without only considering the extremes.

Here is a decision-making process that keeps you real choice and will help you make great decisions:

  1. Define the outcome you would like to achieve.
  2. List your criteria for what is important to you about your decision.
  3. How will you know, what evidence will you use for each of the criteria?
  4. Imagine three choices.  One at a time, see each choice in your mind’s eye, holding your most important criteria in your heart. Step in and out of each choice, exploring them one at a time as if you were there.  What happens in each situation?  How do you feel each situation?  What are the future consequences of each choice, as you explore them through time?
  5. Step outside these three options.  Which of them most closely matches your criteria, your outcome and feels the best? Are there any downsides to this particular option that you need to take into account?

Example Outcome: I would like to have my own business.
Criteria: target annual income $100,000, with the take-home income of $50 – $75,000, by the end of three years.  Work in a consulting role with both individuals and teams of people, using proven methodologies for IT solutions in small business enterprise software work and maximum of 40 hours per week, based from home, with visits to local businesses.  Well-defined successful sales model with lead generation to be part of the business.
This is an example for someone who wants to start their own IT consulting business.  He or she could then try out 3 different models or opportunities.

Imagine walking along the road in the country, with beautiful scenery on either side and you come to a place where the road branches in three different directions.  At first, you are not certain which road to take and you realize it is because what you want is not yet clear.  You pause, reflect, and come to understand that the thing you want most is now clear in your mind.  You can see it , hear it, smell it, touch and taste it.  You look at the three paths in front of you and imagine taking each one, exploring where the path leads you, knowing what it is you truly want.  You come back and now you know which of the paths is for you.

One image is no choice; three or more helps you have great judgement.

***Let me know what you think – shelle@wordsthatchangeminds.com

* In Mistakes Were Made (but not by me) by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson (2007) Harcourt Books, the authors detail the exact process by which human beings reduce conflict (dissonance) and then justify whatever they think and do.

Have a look at other Shelle’s Top Tips http://www.ShellesTopTips.com

If you are interested in booking me (Shelle Rose Charvet) for a presentation, keynote or workshop contact me at shelle@successtrategies.com. Please visit my speaking page too.

Do you hate setting goals?

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You have probably read, heard, and seen lots of information about the benefits of setting goals. Maybe you have even created a vision board and achieved the things you visualized.

Most people don’t set goals — and for a very good reason! 

Most goal-setting processes don’t work.

Years ago when I started teaching the NLP Outcome Strategy in companies, people would come up to me, months or years later and whisper in my ear: “I tried that goal process. It didn’t work. I don’t know why.”

This got me to thinking! How many times have I set an intention, visualized it, wrote it down, worked toward it but never achieved it? For each year for about 15 years I set the goal of achieving a certain weight. Have you seen me lately :-)?

So what is the issue that plagues so many people? It is not usually a problem of knowledge or skill — if you only needed to find out how to do something to be successful, most people would accomplish what they wanted.

Did you know that over 40% of the population are not motivated by goals? Motivation is the problem!  

I am not even talking about whether a specific goal is motivating or not. If setting and working diligently to achieve specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, ecological goals makes you want to stick your finger down your throat, you are not alone.

A few years ago, I created a short audio program called Wishing, Wanting and Achieving to help people figure out their own success strategies.

Maybe you need something other than goals to help you succeed!   

Click here

 to listen to Wishing Wanting and Achieving!

 Please let me know what you think of this program, shelle@successtrategies.com 

 I wish you much happiness, health and success Shelle!

Cheers,
Shelle 

ps. Looking for a speaker for your event?  click here  .   

pps. Here are some useful links.
http://WordsThatChangeMinds.com
http://www.ShellesEvents.com
http://www.LABProfileCertification.com
www.ShellesTopTips.com
www.TheShelleStore.com

Getting Seniors to Make a Decision – Shelle’s Top Tips

Many people of the baby boomer generation are helping their parents move on to the next phase of their life and I know from my own personal experience, sometimes there’s too much information, it can be too confusing and it’s hard to get a decision.  When I’m thinking about helping someone make a good decision, usually what people do is they say, Continue reading

Are you Macho? Of course not, but are you sure?

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Are you Macho? Think about it. Do you find yourself resisting other people’s ideas because you already know all about it? Be honest. I am one of the most Macho people I know. Why just yesterday, someone I respect was giving me good advice about a project I was working on and there I was….. going on as if I knew it all already.

So I’m asking you ….. Continue reading

Decision Making – Shelle’s Top Tips

I’m here in beautiful Egypt in El Quesir on the Red Sea.  Today our topic is decision making. People can have a very hard Continue reading