Category Archives: Shelle Rose Charvet

How to Avoid Giving Up!

4 Antidotes to letting yourself and others down!Ashamed1

Have you ever noticed that some people keep on succeeding,
while others have great ideas but nothing happens with them in the end?
Do you know people who SAY they will do something and then put it off repeatedly?

Do YOU do this?
But do you know what that seemingly small decision reveals about you?
Firstly, it tells others that you are not trustworthy and cannot be counted on.
Continue reading

Le Quiz du Macho

Le Quiz du Macho – S. Rose Charvet

Êtes-vous macho ? Probablement pas, mais de toute façon, vous pouvez le vérifier pour vous-même, avec ces 10 questions simples. Vous pouvez également montrer ce quiz à vos relations privilégiées.

Le questionnaire

Instructions : Pour chaque proposition, entourez le choix qui correspond le mieux à ce que vous feriez dans cette situation.

1. Quand des personnes importantes pour vous font des suggestions, vous :

a) pouvez remarquer ce qui est erroné dans leur idée.
b) avez une meilleure idée.
c) reconnaissez qu’elle est issue de pensées que vous avez eues précédemment.
d) écoutez et recherchez ce qu’il y a de bon dans cette suggestion.

2. Au travail les gens passent vous voir parce que :
a) vous avez un niveau plus élevé de connaissances et de qualifications.
b) vous savez que ce que vous faites et vous les aidez beaucoup.
c) Vous êtes dans votre rôle de leader.
d) vous faites en sorte qu’ils se sentent appréciés pour leur contribution.

3. Vous vous rappelez d’un moment du passé au cours duquel quelqu’un a critiqué quelque chose que vous avez fait parce que :

a) ils avaient mal compris ou avaient fait une erreur.
b) ils vous rendaient responsable de difficultés pour lesquelles vous n’étiez pour rien.
c) ils ont simplement eu une opinion différente de la votre.
d) ils ont eu besoin de faire un point et de façon valable.

4. Dans votre famille vous :

a) savez généralement ce qui est le meilleur pour elle.
b) ne serez qu’occasionnellement convaincu de changer d’avis une fois que vous avez pris une décision.
c) écoutez ce qu’ils pensent même si vous savez ce qui est exact ou erroné
d) avez appris à écouter et à respecter leur souhait, parfois même lorsque vous êtes en désaccord.

5. Quand vous êtes sûr que quelqu’un a tort, vous :
a) lui faite savoir sans mâcher vos mots.
b) êtes secrètement enchanté et lui faites savoir avec douceur.
c) désapprouvez et attendez ses réponses.
d) questionnez leur point de vue et puis exprimez votre manière de voir les choses.

6. Quand vous faites une erreur :

a) il est si rare que vous fassiez des erreurs et est difficile de retrouver des circonstances ou vous en avez fait.
b) vous détournez souvent l’attention vers autre chose.
c) vous dites plutôt que les autres l’ont ignorée.
d) cela montre simplement que vous n’êtes pas parfait.

7. Quand quelqu’un offre de vous dépanner :

a) vous pensez qu’ils disent que vous ne faites pas un bon travail et rejetez leur offre.
b) vous refusez habituellement parce que vous pouvez le faire mieux par vous-même.
c) vous vous demandez si l’offre n’est pas une critique voilée.
d) quand vous avez besoin d’aide, vous êtes heureux de l’offre et l’acceptez.

8. Quand vous ne savez pas faire quelque chose :

a) vous ne pouvez pas vous rappeler que vous ne savez comment le faire.
b) vous poursuivez et trichez pour le faire.
c) vous travaillez à autre chose.
d) vous recherchez la réponse ou demandez à quelqu’un qui sait.

9. Quand quelqu’un vous dit qu’il y a un gros problème avec ce que vous faites :

a) vous explosez et remettez cette personne à sa place.
b) vous lui faites savoir combien elle se trompe.
c) que considérez qu’elle se fait une montagnes à partir de rien et qu’il n’y pas de quoi dramatiser.
d) vous écoutez pour découvrir ce qu’il considère comme inexact.

10. Quand vous découvrez quelque chose que personne d’autre ne sait :

a) vous faites savoir à chacun que vous savez quelque chose qu’il ne sait pas
b) vous dites avec regret aux autres que vous aimeriez pouvoir leur dire mais que vous ne pouvez pas
c) vous êtes ravi de laissez les autres dans le secret que vous seul connaissez.
d) si c’est un secret que vous gardez pour vous-même et si vous pouvez dire, vous le dites.

Feuille d’interprétation, Quiz du Facteur Macho

Pour chaque a) comptez 4 points, b) 3 points, c) 2 points, d) 1 point.
Si vous avez marqué 14 points ou moins, ajoutez SVP 20 points.

Pour interpréter votre score, voir ci-dessous.
30-40 points = Méga Macho
20-29 points = principalement Macho
15-19 points = Mini Macho
0 à 14 points = Macho Free

Méga Macho : Les autres doivent vous traiter avec des pincettes.Vous cachez probablement une profonde insécurité. Vous avez tendance à saboter votre propre apprentissage en ne recevant pas l’information qui vient de l’extérieur.

Principalement Macho : Vous pouvez être souvent entêté avec les autres, mais pourrez par la suite entendre raison.

Mini macho : De temps en temps vous vous mettez en colère avec certaines personnes, mais le plus souvent vous n’avez pas besoin d’être le plus grand, le meilleur ou le centre de l’attention.

Macho Free: Vous êtes ouvert aux nouvelles idées, même si elles ne sont pas les vôtres et vous êtes disposé à célébrer la créativité et le succès des autres.

Pour vérifier les stratégies de communication, face aux Macho, vous pouvez voir l’article “Le Test du Macho. Voulez-vous en savoir plus sur la communication et l’influence ? Abonnez-vous à la Newsletter irrégulière de Shelle.

© Shelle Rose Charvet : [email protected]
www.wordsthatchangeminds.com

Shelle Rose CHARVET, d’origine canadienne, est une conférencière internationale et l’auteur du bestseller « Le plein pouvoir des mots » chez Interéditions et disponible en huit langues. Elle est enseignante certifié en PNL, Certified Speaking Professional de la Global Speakers Fédération et Présidente pour 2009 de l’association canadienne de conférencier/ières professionnel(le)s. Elle est connue pour son esprit pratique, son sens de l’humour et son respect profond pour ses interlocuteurs.

Ways to use NLP and the LAB Profile® to get results

I just came across an interview I did with Dianne Lowther, an excellent UK-based
NLP and business trainer, and a friend.

I re-listened to it and realized that we were talking about very practical ways to use NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) and the LAB Profile® to:

– create a depth of rapport and credibility with anyone
– help your coaching clients’ solve their issues without having to argue with them
– what you have to do to actually apply it
– how to increase response rates for marketing and sales
– how to get agreements sooner in negotiating and bargaining,
– how to influence people through others, when you can’t talk directly to the decision-makers,
and much more.

Have a listen yourself and see what you think!
I hope you get lots of great ideas from this!

If you open this recording on your smartphone, you can listen to it in your car, walking, running, on the train, or anywhere!

Hint Alert: There are lots of ideas in this recording. Remember the key to applying good ideas is identifying step-by-step how to use an idea. First identify your outcome, then the steps to get there. And commit to following your plan! (Is that the hardest part? lol)

Cheers,
Shelle
ps. If you want to know more about how you can get more business, better results in coaching, solving clients’ communication problems, etc.,
check out my LAB Profile® Consultant/Trainer Program
August 1 to 12, 2016, Paris, France

Come procrastinate with me!

Here it is, nearly the end of January already!! This is a year of big changes for me.
You may not have known, but I had treatments for breast cancer in 2014-15 and am finally getting my vitality and energy back!

And I am putting my health as number 1 priority. Along with fun and doing worthwhile work. And after nearly 10 years as a couple, Micha & I have finally decided to live together. Between Berlin and Burlington and other parts of the world!

So it’s taking a while to figure out my exact goals for 2016. And if you are not yet completely sure what you want for this year, I thought I would invite you to procrastinate with me!

Yes procrastinate! Let’s take a little time out and have a look inside.

You see, most people do not set goals – and for a very good reason!
Most goal-setting processes do not work.
Years ago when I started teaching the NLP Outcome Strategy in companies,
people would come up to me, months or years later and whisper in my ear:
“I tried that goal process. It didn’t work. I don’t know why.”

As a present for you, here is a recording called Wishing, Wanting & Achieving,
my audio program to help you figure out what is motivating you!
And help you increase your effectiveness,
by modelling what works and doesn’t work for you!

“Thank you for this….I found it so useful and simple to understand & to use.  Using real life examples really made the process really come alive for me.”
~ Joanne Coulson, UK

If you like this recording, you can get my mini e-book,
Wishing Wanting & Achieving
, only $9.99

I can’t thank you enough for this program! I have a lot of pieces in place in my head after I have listened to it and I’m going to listen it over and over again as it has always puzzled me why people don’t achieve goals even if they “really” (as they themselves say it, me included) want to do those things. I only wish that this I’ve got my hands on this material earlier; though we have to be ready for the information too. Thanks very much again!”
~ Elena Kjærsdam, Denmark

p.s. The early bird registration date for the LAB Profile® Consultant/Trainer Certification
has been extended to Feb 28, 2016, so that you can get the best price!

I am so sad. Je suis si triste.

(français au fond)
I’m writing you from Berlin, getting ready to go to Paris later this week.

I’m so sad about the wars and bombings over the last few months, ….. years! It’s heart-breaking to see what is happening to so many people in so many places. And now again in my old neighbourhood in Paris.

I’m so glad that I belong to communities of people who work and life to improve people’s lives — this is what is important to remember every day. How can I contribute and make things better?

When I get home, I will be contributing to helping Syrian refugees come to Canada.
I hope you also will continue to contribute to making this world a better place.

Je vous écris de Berlin, et je me prépare à aller à Paris plus tard cette semaine.

Je suis si triste à propos des guerres et les attentats au cours des derniers mois, ….. et dernières annés! Il est navrant de voir ce qui se passe à tant de gens dans tant d’endroits. Et maintenant à nouveau dans mon ancien quartier de Paris.

Je suis heureuse que que je appartienne à des communautés de personnes qui travaillent et vivre pour améliorer la vie d’autrui — ceci est ce qui est important de se rappeler tous les jours. Comment puis-je améliorer les choses?

Quand je rentre à la maison, je vais contribuer à aider les réfugiés syriens venont au Canada.
Je souhaite également que tu peux continuer à contribuer à faire de ce monde un endroit meilleur.

Your friend / ton amie,
Shelle

Top Ten Mistakes Women Make with Their Partners

And how you can avoid them in your relationship!

Here they are:

  1. Believing their partner thinks like they do even when they know that’s not true.
  2. Thinking their partner can pick up hints — they can’t.
  3. Being convinced that their partner knows what they want.
  4. Allowing discomfort or some other reason to stop them from talking to their partner about what is is important to them.
  5. Swallowing disappointment, frustration and annoyance till the negative emotion bursts out into resentful yelling.
  6. Telling their partner what to do and expecting that they will do it.
  7. Nagging their partner repeatedly when the partner hasn’t done the “honey-do” list.
  8. Feeling frustrated and powerless because their partner won’t do what they told them to do.
  9. Not considering alternative ways to communicate when the above strategies don’t work.
  10. Resigning themselves to having a mediocre or poor relationship.

How many of these have you caught yourself doing?
This doesn’t have to continue! I have created an iPhone app just for you!
Check out this short video to see how the app works.

It is one of 3 helpful videos in my HusbandMotivator™ IPhone app.
If you want to know exactly how to talk to your partner (whether your partner is a man or a woman);
what to say & do and more importantly what not to say or do,
please check it out in the app store: Look for HusbandMotivator(tm)
This loaded app lets you:

Pick a specific kind of situation, (and you can use it over and over for different situations!)
Helps you identify your partner’s key Motivation Triggers in that situation
Teaches you the 4 Step Motivating Method
Gives you a summary script to get your message across, and
You can email yourself the script so it’s handy when you need it!

And if you are thinking: “What about a WifeMotivator app?”,
don’t worry, you can use HusbandMotivator(tm) with anyone,
including the most difficult people in your life.

Check it out for yourself in the app store and
see how you can improve your communication about:
Activities
Chores/Tasks
Family
Health
Money/Finance
Relationship/Intimacy
Work/Career

I’d love your feedback on the app! Please tell me what you think.
Cheers,
Shelle

How to Open a Closed Mind

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I was with a person in her early 20’s and I heard her repeat several times in the conversation: “That’s how I am.” Or: “I always have this problem.” Or: I can’t do that.” Or: “I don’t do that.”

“What a shame!” I thought. She has limited her life in so many ways, simply by making up her mind about what is possible and not possible for her. It’s like walking down a corridor and deliberately closing many of the doors, locking them and throwing away the key.

I say deliberately because it is a choice, but I am aware that she, and probably most of us, don’t realize that we ourselves are making these decisions at the time – often we perceive them as facts, not opinions.

The Scientific American Brain and Mind (2015 March/April), cites a large body of research that came to the following conclusions:

  •  Students who believe intelligence is “malleable” do better in university than those who do not.
  • Partners who are convinced personality is malleable do more to resolve conflicts by looking for mutually-beneficial solutions.
  • People who see “adversaries” as flexible, view them more positively.
  • Minority students who decide that people’s biases can change over time may be more motivated and resilient even during negative events.
  • People who are more flexible negotiators do better than their peers.

So what do you do when you notice that you or someone else have closed a bunch of doors?

Firstget permission. There is little point talking to a closed door.
“Could I give you a slightly different perspective on that?” may open the door a crack.

Check again to pry it open a little wider: “I had an idea about this and I’d like to find out what you think.”

If the person expresses or shows some curiosity, now they are peeking out to see what else might be out there. Good start!

Second: State your door opening idea as a possibility or a suggestion and then give the benefit of the suggestion and the problem it solves.

Example:

“I was just thinking what if you broke down this desire into some steps and put them in your calendar as “to do’s” each week (suggestion)? Then it would be clearer, what you needed to do and you could follow your plan (benefit). That way you wouldn’t be stuck in the same place any longer. (problem solved – moving away from the problem).”

Lastly, after they have thought about it or discussed it, help them take a first step through the door. “If X were possible, I’m wondering what the first step might be.”

Example: “If you were to think about making this desire happen, what might be the first step?”

To really help someone open and pass through a door that they had closed, it is important to end on a concrete step, a procedure.

If you end a conversation on all the options, they may still be stuck, because they first have to choose which option to take.

The next time I catch myself deciding something is too difficult, not within my capabilities or not likely to happen, I will:

  1. Ask myself if I would like to consider another possibility (permission).
  2. Ask if it were possible/desirable, what would be the point (benefit) and what issue would it solve for me (problem solved and moved away from)
  3. What would be the first step?

Please try this out and let me know what you think!

Overcome Fear

I remember a long time ago, when I was planning to escape from my husband. I had hidden the passports (mine and my kids’) in a drawer. I checked the drawer one morning – and they weren’t there!

I panicked – full of fear, heart pounding, l threw papers everywhere looking for those passports! I couldn’t see anything properly, couldn’t think and could hardly breathe.

We have all experienced some kind of fear at some time in our life – pounding heart, sweaty palms, panic, etc.

It’s important to know how to overcome fear, otherwise it can be paralyzing and people can get stuck in a really unhelpful mode.

In this short video  and transcript below find out how your mind can create debilitating fear unnecessarily and some simple ideas for how to prevent or change that.

Fear can be frightening! If you are not aware of what you are doing that is causing your fear, it can be paralyzing and, as a result you can feel like you are stuck in quicksand.

A while ago, I conducted a brand new, very advanced training program that I had never done before. I was in a beautiful location with a group of my graduates but, because I was unsure of the new program, I felt like I was walking out on a limb wondering whether the branch was going to break or not.

You can imagine that if that is how I was perceiving the situation, I ended up being very nervous and afraid about giving this new program. And the problem was I didn’t catch myself in time. I had created a very compelling visual metaphor for this new situation:  “going out on a limb wondering if it were going to break.” I was seeing this limb in my head with me walking on it, and the limb was very thin indeed, with a lot of distance underneath that I could fall down into! How can you help being afraid if you are see such a metaphor that creates fear?

I was not aware of the metaphor I was using and therefore I had a very difficult week. I did good work. I think my participants enjoyed the program, but it was very challenging and exhausting for me. Afterward I realized what I had done and how important it is to be aware of the metaphors running around in your head. A key question: How do you represent what’s going on in your life?

Another example. Recently I was speaking with a woman who was going through a nasty divorce, and she said, “I feel like I’m a sitting duck.” If you are seeing an image where you are like a sitting duck, how are you likely to feel? She was afraid and anxious. She said she felt paralyzed.

In our conversation, we changed the metaphor to one of her coming out of the woods and entering a prairie, where she needs to build some structures to house herself in. Isn’t that metaphor a lot better than feeling like a sitting duck?  During the conversation, she came up with an even better metaphor. She is the powerful Wonder Woman, because she does not have to do what she does not want to do. She found it quite easy to represent her situation in a way that empowers her rather than frightens her.

So my first tip is to be aware of the metaphor you are using to describe a situation. What is the situation like?  Become aware of that and then you can change the metaphor if it doesn’t help you or it doesn’t keep you moving in a positive direction.

The second tip for overcoming fear: Lighten up. Probably, at some point in the future, you are going to look back at this incident– or these series of incidents or this time in your life and say, “Wow. I was a little crazy there. I didn’t really look at all this situation with all the different perspectives that I now can.” Ask yourself: How is this situation funny even if it doesn’t seem funny right now? Your sense of humor, if you remember it, will be of enormous help to you.

Here are a couple of resources on metaphors, how you can think about them and how they affect your life. “Metaphors in Mind” by Penny Tompkins and James Lawley, is an excellent book. And so is “Clean Language” by Wendy Sullivan and Judy Rees. I highly recommend them. They will show you how people construct their metaphors and how you can use “clean language” to work with people, to help them understand their metaphor, their landscape, and how they can continue growing and developing.

For more Shelle’s Top Tips, please go to www.shellestoptips.com

Please let me know what you think below!

Cheers,
Shelle