Oscar Wilde said, “The only thing to do with temptation is to yield to it”, but I believe there’s another option. So here you are, it’s holiday time, the table is laden with all of your favorite foods, some of which you may have even cooked yourself, (talking about myself here again).
You really want to dive in and all you can see is that lovely delicious stuff and you can practically taste it on your tongue before you’ve eaten it. How are you not going to just yield to it as Oscar Wilde said?
When you’re in the store, or you are behind at work and you know you need to be saving money but you really want those things right in front of you. What do you do if you’re on line doing the same thing?
First, breathe deeply. Breathe deeply a couple of times because you end up giving in to temptation when you act on it really quickly. If you stand back and give yourself a couple of moments to think, that can be the secret to your success.
Second, after you’ve breathed, go away from the temptation. I go into the bathroom. I sit on the toilet. (that maybe too much information). But I remember while I’m sitting on the toilet what my real goal is here. Am I working towards becoming a better person? Am I trying to lose weight? Am I getting into shape? What do I really want? Get back in touch with what is really important.
If you haven’t ever talked to yourself about what’s really important, you might want to do that before you confront the holiday temptations.
The third suggestion for resisting temptation is to go have a glass of water and think about something else. The moment will pass and that’s really, really key.
Temptation only ever happens in the moment. So if you have a couple of tips for how to forget what’s going on in front of you and think about something else, timing off to reconnect with what’s important to you, that’s going to help you with all kinds of temptations whether it’s buying, eating, or anything else you can think of.
I hope these tips. Have a look at other Shelle’s Top Tips and enjoy the holidays.
Here it is January — again! Another new year with all the information about goal setting and why New Year’s Resolutions don’t work.
But what if this is the year when you really want to
make a contribution to your world, or
make a difference or
do something that matters?
If you want a different kind of year, I suggest that you don’t follow the same old goal-setting or goal-avoiding patterns as all the other years.
Most goal-setting processes don’t work, because over 40% of the population are not motivated by goals. Motivation is the problem!
This isnt’t the first time I’ve said that most people don’t like setting goals — and for a very good reason!
The problem is not whether a specific goal is motivating or not. If setting and working diligently to achieve goals makes you want to stick your finger down your throat, you are not alone.
That’s why I created a short audio program called Wishing, Wanting and Achieving to help you figure out your own success strategies and many, many people enjoyed listening to it.
“I just went through your strategies in Wishing, Wanting and Achieving. As usual it was most helpful. Thanks for sharing it. My reason for writing you, is that I am so very impressed with you, for what you have designed (and are still designing) for the rest of us mere mortals. Keep up the good work.”
Bill Huckabee, Pennsylvania
“Wishing, Wanting, and Achieving is excellent. I learned that in order to achieve goals it helps to make them part of what I already do. It also helps to set up a plan as to how the goal can be attained. Thank you so much!”
Trish Belisle, United States
In fact this program was so well-liked that I have also created a Mini E-book to go with it: Wishing, Wanting and Achieving.
“I can’t thank you enough for this! It has always puzzled me why people don’t achieve goals even if they “really” (as they themselves say it, me included) want to do those things. I only wish that I’ve got my hands on this material earlier. Thanks very much again!”
Elena Kjærsdam, Denmark�
Maybe you need something other than the usual goals to help you succeed in 2013!
Sometimes the hardest thing for people is finding a way to motivate themselves. They say they want to do something and they don’t do it. One of the most important things about motivating yourself and staying motivated is to know your own motivation triggers.
For those of you who know me, you know a lot about my book, “Words That Change Minds” which talks about all these different motivation triggers. But, let’s talk about some specific things that are important to you but you have trouble either getting motivated or staying motivated.
Most people’s long term goals don’t give them immediate satisfaction, but the critical action times for motivating yourself are in the here and now. If you want to get fit, for example, and every day you decide you’re going to get up and go for a run. I’m talking about this because this is something that I do and some days I don’t do, every day is the important piece for your long term goal of getting fit. But how do you motivate yourself to get out of bed when you’re actually comfortable? Or how do you keep motivating yourself to stick to the nutrition routine that you’ve decided for your long term goal? I’m learning the German language and I have a lesson every week, and I need to put in more time. How do I succeed at motivating myself to do that?
Let’s look at a couple of things. Sometimes people have goals, but they don’t get started. And the reason they don’t get started is they think the goal is important, but it’s not urgent enough to do now. So they have a “toward” pattern in that they want to move towards the goal, but nothing makes it happen right now.
There’s nothing that makes you do something right now like an emergency or something that’s urgent. So if you don’t get started on the goal that’s important to you, it’s because you haven’t figured out what you want to move “away from”.
Let’s just take an example that I’ve lived a few times and that is I decide I would have a new weight, a lower weight. So I set my weight goal and I start to move towards it. Why not? Well, what I need is an image in my head of what I don’t want to make it an emergency.
Instead I need to get up, and look in the mirror– before I get stressed and say, “Ack!” Now that’s an emergency, right? That will get me started on a new routine of walking and running and a new nutrition program, etc. But the problem with goals that you do because you want to move away from a problem, is if you go, “Ack! I don’t want to look like that. Ack! I don’t want to feel like that,” is you have a very strong motivation at the beginning, but it doesn’t hold.
So if you want to keep motivating yourself every day, you need to have something to move away from and something to move towards. So here’s another trick: if you’re trying to continue motivating yourself just by talking to yourself, it’s usually not strong enough. You need to create an image in your mind of both of what you don’t want and what you do want.
What you don’t want will push you away and what you do want will draw you towards your goal. So if you have both of those motivation types, “the away from” and the “toward”, that’s even stronger.
Want to learn more about these or other motivation triggers?� Click here for my LAB Profile® Learning Program
Here are a couple of other tips. If you have a set process that you incorporate into your day, chances are you will remember to follow it. Particularly, if you have your “toward”, your “away from” and your “toward image” set up so that you can move towards.
Now, how do you do that? Everybody has rituals. Put your new behavior or the thing you want to do inside one of the rituals or procedures that you already follow. So let’s say I’d like to take vitamins. Well, if I put the vitamins away in the cupboard, every morning I go and make my breakfast, I don’t even remember to take those vitamins.
I want this motivation thing to be easy. I don’t want to feel like I’m pushing a rock every day. So how do you do the vitamin thing in an easy way? Well, if you have tea or coffee in the morning, put the vitamins beside the kettle or in the teapot or in a coffee pot. When you see that, you’ll also see the vitamins much easier, no effort to remember.
The easiest way to have a new behavior and maintain it once you have the motivation pieces in place is to insert the new behavior inside a process or a procedure that you already do.
Would you like more information on how to get and keep motivated? Click here for my “Wishing, Wanting & Achieving” mini ebook – only $4.99 USD
The news is bad. As usual. Wars, refugees fleeing, earthquakes, climate change, mass job losses, hunger, racism and bombs. Even if you turn the news off, the negativity still confronts you from many places. Many people are walking around with high levels of fear, anxiety and panic.
When you think about it, the fact that you personally can do nothing about the global crises means that you are free to do whatever you choose. While many people are suffering, wringing their hands and worrying, you will notice that there are people who have taken advantage of the collective mental hibernation to retool, rethink and restart.
The opportunity is here for you to clarify and create what you want. Why not? There are certainly no guarantees from employers, so waiting and hoping your job will not be eliminated will not help you if your job does get cut. When you think about it, you would be much better off to design the future you want, rather than wait and hope somehow it happens for you.
One Size Does Not Fit All!
This is where psychology can help. There is a psycho-linguistic tool called the Language and Behavior Profile (LAB Profile®), which shows how different people operate from different Motivation Triggers and Thinking Patterns. It is used in by marketers to understand and motivate large groups as well as organizations for hiring, managing employees.
For example, some people are only motivated when they get to take the initiative. This is the LAB Profile® Motivation Trigger called Proactive. They love being active and getting out and making it happen. Right now they are really frustrated because they are being told everything is out of their control. When these people are unable to take initiative they become de-motivated and depressed quite quickly. To get out of their negative space they need to proactively create a new reality for themselves. The easiest way for them to create compelling images about what they want.
Here are some of the questions a proactive person needs to ask:
• What do I really want in my life, or in my work?
• Why is that important to me?
• What are the steps I need to take right now to make this happen?
• What possible obstacles do I need to prevent now?
• What is the first step I can do today?
These questions are oriented towards action. A Proactive needs to act now and have something specific to do. These questions allow that person to get into action immediately and start getting results.
But this will not work for someone who prefers to think things through slowly and carefully. This person has a Reactive Motivation Trigger and really needs to thoroughly understand what they are going to do.
Here are some questions a Reactive person can ask themselves to consider how to get out of their mental hibernation:
• What is important to me in my life or in my work?
• Why is that important?
• What steps will need to be in place to have this happen?
• What could be the obstacles that I will need to have a solution for?
• What are the solutions to the obstacles?
• What is the first step in my plan I can start today?
These questions allow the Reactive person to think their situation through, without feeling pushed. They need to spend some time creating a vision in their mind and working out the steps towards it.
Some people are only motivated when they have a goal. About 40% of the population has this pattern, the LAB Profile® Towards Motivation Trigger. A Towards person will act when they have a goal to move towards, otherwise they can get stuck and not move forward. During a time world or personal crisis many Towards people panic because they see only problems around them and nothing to move towards. This can be disastrous for them unless they take the initiative to create their own goals.
Here are some questions they can ask themselves:
• What do I want in my work and in my life?
• What will that do for me?
• What are the steps I will need to take to achieve my goals?
• What are the obstacles I will need to find a solution for to achieve my goals?
• What is the first step I can do today to move toward my goals?
If only 40% of the population are motivated to achieve goals, what is motivating the others?
The other 40% of the population is motivated to avoid or prevent problems from occurring or to solve one that is already happening. This Motivation Trigger is called Away From because these people are motivated to move away from the things they do not want.
In a crisis there are many things they could move away from and they run the risk of turning in circles, away from all the bad alternatives. The key for them is to make sure they focus on one issue to move away from and to identify what they want instead.
Here are some questions that they can answer to help find their way and not get lost:
• What do I most want to prevent from happening?
• What do I want instead?
• If I do not succeed in that, what will happen?
• If I do succeed, what will I gain?
• What are the steps I need to take to move away from what I don’t want and to achieve what I do want?
• What are the obstacles I will need to overcome?
• What can I start today so that I won’t stay stuck?
The last question in each set is critical because it helps get the person moving and back into action moving towards their goals (or away from their problem).
You can see that it is important to match a person’s motivation to get out of mental hibernation. You can ask the questions in a way that engages a person’s motivation rather than trying the “one size fits all” solution.
The LAB Profile® is composed of six distinct Motivation Triggers categories and eight mental processing categories. Business leaders, marketers, human resource professionals, trainers, consultants and coaches are now using the LAB Profile around the world to understand, predict and motivate people’s behavior.
“The difference between a good and a great business is how you treat your customers. A lot of platitudes are used when organizations talk about customer service; this program provides a revolutionary approach and practical structure that will make it happen.”
Robbie SteinhouseCEO of Gray’s Inn Group and NLP SchoolLondon, UK
“Very useful framework for enhancing both organizational and individual performance. I see three situations for immediate application at work.”
I met Shelle for the first time ever, at a recent conference in San Francisco, where I had the pleasure of hearing her deliver a keynote. Shelle is one of the best presenters I have encountered in a long time. If you ever get a chance, do pop in on one of her workshops or presentations.
“Shelle has a very charismatic presentation style, and has the ability to make her work tangible and relevant. She displays confidence and passion, and shows a high level of professional expertise. It has been a pleasure working with Shelle.”
Jim TorranceBrand StrategyRBC Financial GroupToronto
I attended Shelle’s keynote on ‘Conversational Coaching.’ The sort of thing you find yourself in with family members and corridor conversations. Absolutely fascinating – a completely different perspective. I have used it several times already.
I loved your session and the feedback that we’ve had both on your keynote and on the day has been extremely positive with comments like: ‘Great introduction to the day!’ ‘Fantastic presentation and delivery – learned a lot.’ ‘Very good. Entertaining with a clear message.
David CrosbyHead of EventsTraining JournalUK
Shelle’s provocative and dynamic presentation style kept the group of mediators in attendance (many of whom are hard to please lawyers) completely engrossed. Shelle provided us with a whole new perspective on the topic and left the audience thirsting for more. Shelle has the special ability to both challenge and engage her audience. A true professional!
Bernard MorrowPrincipalMorrow MediationToronto
“By far the most popular and most appreciated keynote was run by Shelle Rose Charvet! This is what I hoped and expected and for which I’m truly grateful.”
Eric ParsloeInternational Conference on Coaching and MentoringOxford, UK
Of all the NLP courses I’ve attended, the LAB Profile® Certification has proved the most lucrative. Since I took the program, it’s paid for itself several times over. Often people in organizations don’t have a vocabulary to talk about the language they use. Using LAB Profile® means we can discuss sophisticated uses of language without the need for jargon.
Fiona WrightPhD, Consultant in Written Communication SkillsUK
I want to take this opportunity to thank you for your opening keynote; it was one of the main talking points of the day. Your Blackberry comment certainly got more than a few people talking!