Category Archives: Overcome fear

Overcome Fear

I remember a long time ago, when I was planning to escape from my husband. I had hidden the passports (mine and my kids’) in a drawer. I checked the drawer one morning – and they weren’t there!

I panicked – full of fear, heart pounding, l threw papers everywhere looking for those passports! I couldn’t see anything properly, couldn’t think and could hardly breathe.

We have all experienced some kind of fear at some time in our life – pounding heart, sweaty palms, panic, etc.

It’s important to know how to overcome fear, otherwise it can be paralyzing and people can get stuck in a really unhelpful mode.

In this short video  and transcript below find out how your mind can create debilitating fear unnecessarily and some simple ideas for how to prevent or change that.

Fear can be frightening! If you are not aware of what you are doing that is causing your fear, it can be paralyzing and, as a result you can feel like you are stuck in quicksand.

A while ago, I conducted a brand new, very advanced training program that I had never done before. I was in a beautiful location with a group of my graduates but, because I was unsure of the new program, I felt like I was walking out on a limb wondering whether the branch was going to break or not.

You can imagine that if that is how I was perceiving the situation, I ended up being very nervous and afraid about giving this new program. And the problem was I didn’t catch myself in time. I had created a very compelling visual metaphor for this new situation:  “going out on a limb wondering if it were going to break.” I was seeing this limb in my head with me walking on it, and the limb was very thin indeed, with a lot of distance underneath that I could fall down into! How can you help being afraid if you are see such a metaphor that creates fear?

I was not aware of the metaphor I was using and therefore I had a very difficult week. I did good work. I think my participants enjoyed the program, but it was very challenging and exhausting for me. Afterward I realized what I had done and how important it is to be aware of the metaphors running around in your head. A key question: How do you represent what’s going on in your life?

Another example. Recently I was speaking with a woman who was going through a nasty divorce, and she said, “I feel like I’m a sitting duck.” If you are seeing an image where you are like a sitting duck, how are you likely to feel? She was afraid and anxious. She said she felt paralyzed.

In our conversation, we changed the metaphor to one of her coming out of the woods and entering a prairie, where she needs to build some structures to house herself in. Isn’t that metaphor a lot better than feeling like a sitting duck?  During the conversation, she came up with an even better metaphor. She is the powerful Wonder Woman, because she does not have to do what she does not want to do. She found it quite easy to represent her situation in a way that empowers her rather than frightens her.

So my first tip is to be aware of the metaphor you are using to describe a situation. What is the situation like?  Become aware of that and then you can change the metaphor if it doesn’t help you or it doesn’t keep you moving in a positive direction.

The second tip for overcoming fear: Lighten up. Probably, at some point in the future, you are going to look back at this incident– or these series of incidents or this time in your life and say, “Wow. I was a little crazy there. I didn’t really look at all this situation with all the different perspectives that I now can.” Ask yourself: How is this situation funny even if it doesn’t seem funny right now? Your sense of humor, if you remember it, will be of enormous help to you.

Here are a couple of resources on metaphors, how you can think about them and how they affect your life. “Metaphors in Mind” by Penny Tompkins and James Lawley, is an excellent book. And so is “Clean Language” by Wendy Sullivan and Judy Rees. I highly recommend them. They will show you how people construct their metaphors and how you can use “clean language” to work with people, to help them understand their metaphor, their landscape, and how they can continue growing and developing.

For more Shelle’s Top Tips, please go to www.shellestoptips.com

Please let me know what you think below!

Cheers,
Shelle

Get Out of Mental Hibernation – 3 attitudes!

by Shelle Rose Charvet

The news is bad. As usual. Wars, refugees fleeing, earthquakes, climate change, mass job losses, hunger, racism and bombs.  Even if you turn the news off, the negativity still confronts you from many places. Many people are walking around with high levels of fear, anxiety and panic.

But that is not the only choice!

People tend to take one of these three attitudes:

 

To find out more about how you can influence these attitudes, please see my books:
Words That Change Minds: Mastering the Language of Influence, and
The Customer is Bothering Me, or

My NEWEST mini e-book to help people get out of being stuck:
Wishing, Wanting & Achieving

Or Check Out These Strategies:

When you think about it, the fact that you personally can do nothing about the global crises means that you are free to do whatever you choose. While many people are suffering, wringing their hands and worrying, you will notice that there are people who have taken advantage of the collective mental hibernation to retool, rethink and restart.

The opportunity is here for you to clarify and create what you want. Why not? There are certainly no guarantees from employers, so waiting and hoping your job will not be eliminated will not help you if your job does get cut. When you think about it, you would be much better off to design the future you want, rather than wait and hope somehow it happens for you.

One Size Does Not Fit All!

This is where psychology can help. There is a psycho-linguistic tool called the Language and Behavior Profile (LAB Profile®), which shows how different people operate from different Motivation Triggers and Thinking Patterns. It is used in by marketers to understand and motivate large groups as well as organizations for hiring, managing employees.

For example, some people are only motivated when they get to take the initiative. This is the LAB Profile® Motivation Trigger called Proactive. They love being active and getting out and making it happen. Right now they are really frustrated because they are being told everything is out of their control. When these people are unable to take initiative they become de-motivated and depressed quite quickly. To get out of their negative space they need to proactively create a new reality for themselves. The easiest way for them to create compelling images about what they want.
Here are some of the questions a proactive person needs to ask:

• What do I really want in my life, or in my work?
• Why is that important to me?
• What are the steps I need to take right now to make this happen?
• What possible obstacles do I need to prevent now?
• What is the first step I can do today?

These questions are oriented towards action. A Proactive needs to act now and have something specific to do. These questions allow that person to get into action immediately and start getting results.

But this will not work for someone who prefers to think things through slowly and carefully. This person has a Reactive Motivation Trigger and really needs to thoroughly understand what they are going to do.
Here are some questions a Reactive person can ask themselves to consider how to get out of their mental hibernation:

• What is important to me in my life or in my work?
• Why is that important?
• What steps will need to be in place to have this happen?
• What could be the obstacles that I will need to have a solution for?
• What are the solutions to the obstacles?
• What is the first step in my plan I can start today?

These questions allow the Reactive person to think their situation through, without feeling pushed. They need to spend some time creating a vision in their mind and working out the steps towards it.

Some people are only motivated when they have a goal. About 40% of the population has this pattern, the LAB Profile® Towards Motivation Trigger. A Towards person will act when they have a goal to move towards, otherwise they can get stuck and not move forward. During a time world or personal crisis many Towards people panic because they see only problems around them and nothing to move towards. This can be disastrous for them unless they take the initiative to create their own goals.
Here are some questions they can ask themselves:

• What do I want in my work and in my life?
• What will that do for me?
• What are the steps I will need to take to achieve my goals?
• What are the obstacles I will need to find a solution for to achieve my goals?
• What is the first step I can do today to move toward my goals?

If only 40% of the population are motivated to achieve goals, what is motivating the others?
The other 40% of the population is motivated to avoid or prevent problems from occurring or to solve one that is already happening. This Motivation Trigger is called Away From because these people are motivated to move away from the things they do not want.
In a crisis there are many things they could move away from and they run the risk of turning in circles, away from all the bad alternatives. The key for them is to make sure they focus on one issue to move away from and to identify what they want instead.

Here are some questions that they can answer to help find their way and not get lost:

• What do I most want to prevent from happening?
• What do I want instead?
• If I do not succeed in that, what will happen?
• If I do succeed, what will I gain?
• What are the steps I need to take to move away from what I don’t want and to achieve what I do want?
• What are the obstacles I will need to overcome?
• What can I start today so that I won’t stay stuck?

The last question in each set is critical because it helps get the person moving and back into action moving towards their goals (or away from their problem).

You can see that it is important to match a person’s motivation to get out of mental hibernation. You can ask the questions in a way that engages a person’s motivation rather than trying the “one size fits all” solution.

The LAB Profile® is composed of six distinct Motivation Triggers categories and eight mental processing categories. Business leaders, marketers, human resource professionals, trainers, consultants and coaches are now using the LAB Profile around the world to understand, predict and motivate people’s behavior.

To find out more about the LAB Profile®, please see my books:
Words That Change Minds: Mastering the Language of Influence, and
The Customer is Bothering Me, or

My NEWEST mini e-book to help people get out of being stuck:
Wishing, Wanting & Achieving

Want to be certified to train the LAB Profile®?
Here’s the latest program info for you: www.LABProfileCertification.com 

 

The Feedback Sandwich is Out to Lunch

by Shelle Rose Charvet

Jodi is waiting for Marco to come to her office. Today is feedback day and she has the Feedback Sandwich formula open on her desk.

Marco arrives and plunks himself down in the chair opposite Jodi, submitting himself reluctantly to what is about to occur. “I’m glad you’re here,” says Jodi, getting the ball rolling on an upbeat note. “Let’s talk about your presentation to the team yesterday. You were very enthusiastic about the project’s progress, and I also thought that….” Jodi stops as she notices Marco slumping in his chair, eyes cast downwards. “What’s wrong?” she asks.

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